Daddy I am sad. I am sad but I am not without hope. Mornings are so rough for me. It is like I wake up another day and all over again I have deal with the pain and emptiness of you not being here. The words of this one song says, "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part" That is how I feel these days. Your departure has left me with a broken heart. I love you so much.
Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for never making me feel like an outcast or an embarrassment to you. You never made me feel like you were ashamed to be my dad. You always carried yourself with pride and dignity when you were with me. My obesity didn't cause you to not want to be with me in public. You've always made me feel safe, loved, protected, cared for, wanted, respected, valued, fathered.
Today I want to live with that same assurance. I don't want pain to rule my life like it does right now. Well, it is not ruling it but it sure does have a really big role in my life right now.
Ok daddy, I am about to go to the gym right now. I don't want to but I also don't want to wake up in 5 months, depressed about my body image and lack of control. Somehow, can you help me make it through today?
Thank you. I love you sooo soooo much. I wish I told you that more when you were physically here but I know that you know that I love you. Thanks for giving me your shoulders to ride on. Thank you for always being here for our family. Thank you for being the first man I've ever loved. You're a great dad!!
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