BETTER DAUGHTER

Dad, I am sorry. I wish I were a better daughter. I should have told you I loved you more, held more conversations with you, spent more random moments with you just watching tv. I should have given you more of me. I am sorry you went through so much in your life. I wish I could have taken all of your pain and struggle away. You hid so much of it from us. You didn't want us to see you sweat but deep inside I had no idea how much you held in. You protected us from you pain. I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to buy you a big house so that you can have your own room and you could have put all your stuff in there and do whatever the heck you wanted to do. I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to work my ass off and make it in this life so that I had something to offer you.

But I guess you have all that and more now but I wanted to show you how much I appreciate your love and sacrifice. I don't want to lose you. I don't want lose your laugh, the warmth of your tough, the scent on your clothes or in your work bag. I want to feel this close to you twenty years from now. I always want you to be a part of my life.

This is not supposed to be my life. You are supposed to be here. I am just now starting to live. I want you here. I want to talk to you. I want to ask you some questions. I need some answers. You're supposed to be here to help me navigate life. Well, I am sure you have confidence in me.

I pray that you can see me. I hope you are in heaven helping me out down here. I pray that God allows you to give me visitations just to let me know that you are still very much a vital part of my life.

Daddy I love you so much. I wish I told you that more but I hope you can hear me now telling it to you every day and writing it as much as I possible can!